Patchwork Universe

Kao Sheng · Posted: Mon May 31, 2004 7:00 am Post subject:

"It would be an honour to provide whatever assistance lies within the sadly limited powers of this incapable and unworthy person," said Kao Sheng politely.

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 153 Location: The Zoo

"Yes, yes, incapable and unworthy, we get the picture," said Trubshawe irritably. "No need to keep reminding us."

He turned to Kalyndis. "Did you hear him? A whole night has passed here, a whole night that didn't happen for me! You can ask Dr Jewel or Dr Odom if you don't believe me, I was with them all the way until I met up with Lady Violetta and yourself.

"So our abductors are playing games not only with space, but with time as well? How are we meant to fight back against that, eh?"

Kalyndis · Average Joined: 22 Jan 2004 Posts: 105 Location: Kerya

"With difficulty, if that is indeed the case. How much time passed for you between leaving here the last time and meeting us? But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Kao Sheng," he said, turning back to that humble individual, "according to the Janitor you may be able to shed light on several of the questions that currently occupy our thoughts, such as where this arrangement of places is, how it is organised, why we have been brought into it and by whom?"

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 2:07 pm Post subject:

Lady Violetta, wondering through the farmland at a leisurely pace, finally caught up with Trubshawe and Kalandys, but was obviously lost in thought, since she walked right into Kao Sheng.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't see you there. I was thinking about ... well, never mind. I do apologise." Turning to her two compainions, she asked "did I miss anything? Like an evening, perhaps. I think I only fell back for a minute or two, but time seems to do some very odd things round here. I climbed up a clocktower and came down fifteen minutes later to find an entire day had passed once, but that was at the North Pole. Maybe time works differently there."

Kalyndis · Average Joined: 22 Jan 2004 Posts: 105 Location: Kerya

"Hello!" Kalyndis beamed. "We were just discussing the temporal anomaly with our new acquaintance. Lady Violetta, meet Kao Sheng. Kao Sheng, this is Lady Violetta Constance Kingsley, of Aldersley Manor, daughter of the Earl of Worcetshire and Lady Beatrice."

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 3:43 pm Post subject:

"Hmm," said Lady Violetta, clearly perplexed. "Forgive me for saying this, Cow Sheng, but you don't *look* much like a cow. But I suppose if you can talk, you can probably have magical transforming powers anyway. Has a malicious fairy placed you under a malign enchantment and cursed you to wander the world in the form of a human. That might explain why they didn't get the colour or the eyes quite right."

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 153 Location: The Zoo

For all that he held Lady Violetta in the highest esteem, Trubshawe judged the present conversation as one he might easily get bogged down in, if he didn't make a speedy exit.

"Continue talking amongst yourselves," he said airily. "I have important thoughts to think within."

Without further delay, he flung open the doors before him and strode into the public bar.

Kao Sheng · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:01 pm Post subject:

"O Lady Violetta, there is no necessity to apologise, for the person who is now speaking is not under any form of enchantment, but is merely burdened with a name which has evidently caused a slight degree of confusion," Kao Sheng replied, before turning to Kalyndis.

"To address your questions, O honoured sir, the first is unfortunately difficult to accurately answer without some additional qualifications such as a point of reference with respect to which the solution might be presented.

"To the second, it may be stated that the environment in which you find yourselves is, indeed, an arrangement of many environments, each fundamentally associated with a particular individual, and each presented as a symmetrical volume adjoining four other such areas in the four cardinal directions.

"To the third and final question, this unworthy individual is unable to provide an answer, being constrained by many factors, and for this totally unacceptable deficiency he offers his most sincere apologies."

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:26 pm Post subject:

Lady Violetta listened to Mr. Sheng in awe. She was quite positive that he was speaking good gramatical English, but unfortunately for all their good grammar, the words didn't appear to make a lot of sense. After a while, she simply became lulled by the singsong tone of his voice and stopped paying attention, since anyone who felt the need to be so excessively complex simply had to be hiding something. In fact, she realised, if she looked at him very carefully, and sort of sideways on, she could see the ghost of a pair of horns that indicated he was probably lying about not being a cow as well. (She had, at least, understood him that far.)

"Mr. Sheng," she said. "I apologise most sincerely for the misconception. The man who calls himself the Janitor was kind enough to suggest that you might be able to provide us with enlightenment as to the nature of our current predicament. It makes me blush to say that so far, I am afraid that your conduct has not indicated that this is in fact the case. Perhaps it is that we are not asking you the right questions, but I am beginning to suspect that you may in fact wish us to remain in a state of singular unenlighenment and that you are merely engaging in a prolonged bout of obfusicatory sesquipediality. In which case, I would ask that you kindly stop doing so, as it has been a very long day - so long in fact that it seems to have been at least four or five days - and we are still no nearer to understanding what is happening to us. If you have the capacity to explain, then please do, but if not, then I suggest we terminate this conversation forthwith. Oh, forgive me for asking, but is there something wrong with your head? It looks most ... unusual."

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:34 pm Post subject:

[OOC note: That should read "obfusicatory sesquipedality", sorry for any confusion.]

Kao Sheng · Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:52 pm Post subject:

Kao Sheng turned back towards Lady Violetta with an expression of dignified regret.

"Please accept my most sincere apologies, and please understand that it is not my intention for you to remain in ignorance," he said, with what those more familiar with his manner might interpret as a tone of extreme gravity.

"Your observations regarding your current situation are most perceptive, in the general if not the specific elements. Specifically, the wretched individual you see before you is bound against his wishes by the Unutterable Oath not to reveal certain fragments of information related to the ultimate purpose behind these events: Yet many other questions he is permitted to answer, should you choose to ask them."

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 1:16 am Post subject:

The young woman also appeared to be quite serious, and paused a while before replying, inwardly digesting the inscrutable man's reply, which fortunately seemed to make a little more sense this time around, even if it wasn't really any more enlightening.

"Ah, a matter of honour. I see. Well, I certainly wouldn't be so rude as to ask you to forswear yourself.

"So it's a sort of parlour game then? We have to know what the right questions are to ask them. That seems rather unfair, Mr. Sheng, and I have no particular desire to engage in such an activity. In fact at the moment, my principal desire would be to return to Aldersley and for Aldersley to return to Worcetshire. After all, counties don't just carry on running themselves without their Earl, you know? There is likely to be a great deal of trouble over this. And since both my parents seem blissfully unaware of any alteration in their state, it seems at least possible that Mr. Trubshawe is correct in asserting that our presence here is the result of some sort of maliciousness."

"So then, here are some questions that I would like answers to, if you are in a position to be able to provide them. Can we go home? If so, when can we go home? What is the purpose behind our abduction? Why does this place seem designed to be deliberately confusing in that it violates several rather important laws of space and time that I've always half suspected were somewhat optional, but nonetheless happen to be rather convenient? How does one avoid getting lost? Why do cats always look at me in that funny way? How does one find anywhere one has been previously without having to go through a lengthy process of trial and error? How does the Janitor manage to know where everything is when none of us same capable of such a feat? Who or what is responsible for this situation? What sort of things do you think we would find most enlightening to ask you about? Anything else? Oh, yes - how did you find out what you know? Can we go and swear this Unspeakable Oath and then get told what's going on?

"I'm quite sure there's many other things I could ask you, Mr. Sheng, but Ii suspect that firstly you'd think I was completely potty if I asked most of them and also neither of us wishes to remain here indefinitely. I want to get back to Aldersley, and you, um, probably have other activities to engage in as well. Feel free, however, to extemporise as much as you like regarding the questions I have already asked - by no means should you feel that I would like these questions answered in an entirely literal sense. Mostly I just want to know what precisely is going on, and exactly how I'm supposed to cope with it."

Violetta patted Blackie reassuringly, although it was quite obvious that it was the lady herself who was actually in need of reassurance.

Kalyndis · Average Joined: 22 Jan 2004 Posts: 105 Location: Kerya

Kalyndis showed some surprise at Violetta’s lengthy response, but nodded vigorously. A touch of sarcasm could be heard in his voice as he added, "Indeed. If your intention is not for us to remain in ignorance, is there any chance you can tell us the questions you are permitted to answer? And regarding points of reference, I’ll ask: where are we relative to my homeland?"

Kao Sheng · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 7:28 pm Post subject:

Kao Sheng listened patiently.

"It is permissable for this person to answer any questions which would not reveal the overall purpose behind your presence in this place were the answers to be provided," he said carefully.

"This place exists outside the conventional dimensions of space and time, and as such you are each an unmeasurable distance from everything you have ever known; Yet everything you have ever known is with you, should you wish to search for it, for without it you are incomplete.

"Therefore, it is necessary to make certain assumptions about the nature of your first questions, Lady Violetta. It may be of some assistance if you were to look upon these new circumstances as akin to a dream: The distance to your home cannot be measured, and when these events have run their course, you may go anywhere you wish, doubtless to find that no time at all had elapsed in Worcetshire during your absence. As to the duration that appears to elapse to you, that is beyond my powers to estimate, even if the variable nature of temporal flow that your companion correctly observed were to be disregarded in the analysis.

"It is unfortunately not permissable for this person to supply an answer to the third question, and the fourth must be considered to have elements that may be subject to similar restrictions; However it may be observed that rearrangement events are often concurrent with the addition of new areas to this world, and the laws of space and time to which you refer naturally exist only to describe what is observed, and therefore may be in need of re-evaluation based upon new observations of the various environments which you may encounter in the future.

"The fifth question may be addressed by encouraging travellers such as yourselves to observe the signposts, which indicate a possible direction of travel towards the area commonly referred to as the Map Room, where more detailed information regarding the arrangement of the world may be found. The sixth question may be answered by the statement that they are undoubtedly watching you extremely closely, although the manner in which you choose to react to their observations is of course a matter for your own judgement.

"The seventh question may be answered in the same manner as the fifth, and the eighth by the statement that the Janitor is extremely experienced in a variety of sciences and other intellectual disciplines, and that you in turn are quite able to achieve similar feats with sufficient study and dedication.

"The ninth question this unfortunate outcast is not yet permitted to answer, and the tenth is exceptionally open-ended, although it may be advantageous to merely rephrase some of the questions which have already been asked, or perhaps to seek other means to circumvent the inconvenient restrictions placed upon the permissable answers.

"To respond to the eleventh question, it may be sufficient to state that the current circumstances of the person who is now speaking are the results of considerable studious endeavour, the details of which may take an unreasonable length of time to adequately explain, and the answer to the twelfth question is, regrettably, no."

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2004 10:45 pm Post subject:

"That all seems moderately helpful, if not particularly enlightening, I'm afraid. In which case, one subsidiary question in regards to my final question and then with your permission I shall take your leave and enter this establishment, unless, naturally, you wish to join me inside. With regards to your answer of 'no', this was precisely the sort of circumstance under which I was urging you to extemporise earlier. Therefore I shall be more explicit and enquire of you the following: why the blazes not?"