Patchwork Universe

Lady Violetta Kingsley

Bounding through the mists surrounding the Territory was a very strange sight indeed. It appeared at first glance to be a very large yellow cat with brown stripes. On closer inspection, however, it became clear that the cat had windows, which was extremely odd. On touching its paws to the lush grass surrounding the outer wall of the Territory, the catbus purred contentedly and proceeded to go for a quick roll, much to the consternation of Lady Violetta, its only passenger, who rolled about the inside of the bus skirts flying in all directions. Viotletta, who could not help feel that this was a little undignified, was nonetheless glad that she had dressed for riding, and not, say in the crinolines that were considered de rigeur in London, at least according to her magazine, since she would probably now be trapped in a highly undignified position by the rigid hoop petticoats required for such dress.

Eventually the catbus decided it had had enough of rolling around, much to Lady Violetta's relief, and came to a halt just outside a small gateway in the wall. Lady Violetta gathered the contents of her saddlebag from various corners of the interior, patting the book of magic spells that she had acquired in Jones', and inadvertently forgetting to reclaim Cecil the caterpillar from under the seat where he had fallen. Straightening her hat, she dismounted from the now open doorway in the side of the catbus. "Thank you very much for the ride, even if you don't really exist," she addressed the bus before taking in her surroundings. The catbus quickly bounded off into the mists and was gone.

"So, this is Territory then. What a peculiar name for a place. More walls and gates - I suppose it must be another zoo, like Mr. Trubshawe's. Well, onwards then, and I shall see what is to be seen." The small woman marched determinedly towards the gateway.

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 8:53 pm Post subject:

Unfortunately, the gate remained firmly shut. "Hello," shouted Lady Violetta. "Is anybody home?" Taking the lack of response philosophically, she decided that if she waitied a while, someone might possibly come and open the gate, so rummaging in her saddlebag, she took a seat on a nearby rock.

After a short struggle, she pulled out a pencil and her spellbook. "I wonder what that was doing in there?" she wandered. Flicking through the pages, she noted that the book was only about two thirds full, and indeed the remaining space seemed to be intended for the addition of one's own spells. However, at this point, she had a far more noble task at hand. Leaving a blank page, she started to write.



                                        TRAVELS OF A LADY


                    being a monograph recounting the Grand Tour of Lady


                       Violetta Constance Kingsley throughout the realms                                          


                      colloquially and collectively known as  the Patchwork


                           and the many wonders to be witnessed therein

Something was missing though. Aha! She had it! In the bottom of the right hand page, she carefully wrote "2s., 6d.". Yes, that was much more professional. Encouraged, she continued writing.

Preface

Where should one begin when embarking upon a work of scholarship such as the one that now lies before you, Dear Reader. If one were in fact to begin at the beginning, then things would doubtless make little sense, so for the sake of clarity, it appears necessary to begin in the middle. Hopefully this won't be too confusing, although it must be confessed that much within this world which the author, and by extension presumably yourself as well, has found herself is highly confusing. It was, in fact, in order to lessen the confusion surrounding the mysterious circumstances of the abduction of myself and my home to this locus (if locus is even the right word to use, even that is not at the point of this writing, certain) that my travels and this account of them was begun. I hope that you will, therefore, try to bear with me as I share my experiences with you within these pages. It is unlikely that this text will provide enlightenment. However, it may provide useful information of a descriptive nature. However, in order to elucidate with most utility, the middle must become the beginning. If as a result the end moves to the middle, or the beginning in some way becomes affronted and departs in an attemp tto preserve a sense of narrative decency then I can only apologise. Sadly I am a woman of no great experience and expertise, and as such you will have to take what you find here as it is rather than as you would have it be. Perhaps this is for the best, although it may, indeed, take some time to come to a full understanding of this assertion.

"No, no, no," Violetta tutted to herself. "That absolutely will not do at all." Making a thick line through the text with a pencil she turned a new page and prepared to try again.

Lady Violetta Kingsley · Posted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 10:58 am Post subject:

"How do you think I should start the book, Cecil?" asked Lady Violetta. "Oh, he's gone. How odd. Probably got bored when I was writing the preface I suppose. It *was* rather boring after all." She sucked speculatively on the end of her pencil, and began to write again.

Chapter 1 - Hones' Inn
I am aware that it is conventional to include a preface of some kind in this type of monograph, although it is doubtless the case that any audience for these unworthy scribblings ...

"Oh dear, now I'm starting to sound like that Mr. Sheng fellow. Perhaps being a cow is contagious. I hope not. I think mama would be most disappointed if I were to turn into a cow."

... of an entirely non-bovine nature (by which I mean the scriblings, not the audience) will already be in full cogniscence of the circumstances under which I found myself undertaking a Grand Tour of the Thatchwork, since something similar will doubtless have occurred to them.

Thus it seems best to simply commence with a description of the Thatchwork as I found it, without entering into lengthy and confusing explanations, which would, of themselves, necessarily be unsatisfactory.

The patch known as Jones' is something of a gathering points for the inhabitants of the Thatchwork, and it was in this locality that I found myself meeting with a large number of people in similar circumstances for the first time, although I had previously encountered Mr. Trubshawe and a man styling himself the Janitor, which may or may not be in reference to the Pagan god Janus, Roman God of Gateways.

I had, prior to my arrival at Jones', already travelled across the surface of the moon, to a city somewhere in the vicinity of the North Pole, to a far flung outpost of the Empire, and a large Zoo, of which Mr. Trubshawe was the proprietor. I confess that I was unused to such geographical circumlocutions, and was as a result in something of a quandry. The Janitor had suggested I seek out a talking cow by the name of Mr. Sheng, which was not really reducing my confusion, but one should be prepared for any eventuality, and while I had never before seen a talking cow, it would be unreasonable to assume that no such creature existed, since the number of places in which I had been was significantly smaller than the number of places I hadn't been which might, conceivably habour a talking cow.

Thus, with an open mind and scientific approach that I have tried to maintain throughout my travels, I was lucky to encounter Mr. Sheng almost immediately upon entering Jones' patch. Fortunately he chose to keep his bovine aspect concealed, which made conversation much easier, since I only have a passing acquaintance with cow as a language, and my grammar and sentence structure leaves much to be desired.

Lady Violetta paused again for thought.