Patchwork Universe

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"Alright, Daltrey, just what in Dawkins' name do you think you've been doing?"

Trubshawe sat perched on the broad operations console of the Security Room, kicking his legs angrily. Behind him a vast chequerboard of VDUs showed the Zoo at rest, from dozens upon dozens of vantage points. There was no sign of danger anywhere, except in the Head Zookeeper's eyes.

"When I leave you in sole charge of the Zoo, I expect you to remain on the scene and carry out your appointed duties diligently. NOT go gallivanting off to parts unknown to make unhygienic new friends and accept rides from strange men in airships. Were you looking for a new job, Daltrey, is that it? Thought that Assistant Zeppelineer had a better ring to it than Assistant Zookeeper? Eh?"

He leapt to his feet and brought his face to within inches of Daltrey's own. "There's only one way out of my employment, son, and it goes via a big cat's digestive tract. So, assuming that you're handing in your notice..."

"Please let me explain, sir," wailed Daltrey. "I was kidnapped, against my will! If you'll just replay the security tapes for the time in question they'll bear my story out completely."

"For your sake they better had, Daltrey, they better had," snarled Trubshawe. His hands gliding over an instrumentation panel, he brought up the security recordings. He followed Yarrow's slightly grainy and flickering progress through the Zoo, listened to a fuzzy version of her altercation with Daltrey, and managed not to appear too shocked when a cage appeared out of nowhere around the Assistant Zookeeper and disappeared again. After Yarrow had done another disappearing act of her own, Trubshawe silently rewound the recording and played it through another couple of times. Then he rounded on Daltrey and Specks.

"Who IS this old woman?" he demanded.

Yarrow · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:57 am Post subject:

"That's Missus Y, governor," Specks said with alacrity, tipping Trubshawe a sketch of a salute. "She runs a pawnbrokers shop where all these daft old people work. Mister Daltrey turned up in the back yard of the shop and that's where we met."

Specks paused and then added: "He was ever so worried about being away from the Zoo and he told me how triffic it was so we came back together just as fast as we could. That's why we asked Mister Damme for a ride in his balloon."

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"Missus Y, eh?" Trubshawe massaged his chin with his palm. "She seems to have access to an awfully high level of technology for a dotty old pawnbroker, I must say. Matter transmission and possibly transmogrification too, seemingly without any need of bulky equipment, that doesn't sound like standard issue pawnbroking to me. You wouldn't happen to have heard her refer to herself as some sort of god, by any chance?

"In any case, it appears she has an unusual interest in the welfare of cats. Daltrey, make a note to extract some specimens of Felis domesticus from storage, along with explosives and radio detonators. We can rig something up so the next time an assistant zookeeper is pulled out of the Zoo without my permission, it's goodnight pussycats."

Specks' response appeared to have impressed the Head Zookeeper, and he now walked in a circle round the boy, eyeing him appraisingly. A little dirty, but excessive fastidiousness was hardly a desirable trait in an AZ.

"So," he said at length, "you're looking for a job. And that's very good, since we currently do have some highly rewarding vacancies. Every indication is that a clever lad such as yourself could go far in my organisation. There's only one thing that bothers me. If you come from the household of this Missus Y - whose domain I hardly think this an imbecile like Daltrey could have escaped through his own initiative - how do I know you aren't here precisely because she wants you to be?"

He leaned in close to the urchin until their noses were practically touching. The Head Zookeeper did not blink as he spoke:

"Are you a SPY, Specks?"

Yarrow · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 12:09 pm Post subject:

Specks thought quickly. But if he had any advantage in this confrontation it was that he was used to being around people with exactly this paranoid bent.

"Well," he said slowly. "I can't say as I'm not a spy. Because that's what a spy would say. And since you're right that Missus Y aint just a regular person I reckon she could have witched me to be a spy without me even knowing it."

"But," and he tried to stress the word as much as possible. "If Missus Y is a God, like you say, I reckon she could do most anything and see most anything she wanted without needing me to do it for her."

"So I don't reckon I am a spy, governer," Specks concluded. "But I won't take it hard like if you don't want to give me a job after all, seeing as I can't prove it. Mebbe Mister Damme will let me clean his balloon for him or something."

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"Hmmmmm," said Trubshawe ruminatively. He had to concede it was not a bad answer - and the last thing he wanted was to lose a potentially talented employee to Von Damme. He stepped back a pace, straightening the urchin's collar as he did so.

"Very well, I am satisfied. I will warn you that if you are a spy, I shall come down like many tons of bricks on you whether you knew that you were one or not. So I urge you to be constantly vigilant against the possibility.

"Daltrey, I'm afraid that due to persistent absenteeism you are hereby demoted to the rank of Assistant Zookeeper Second Class. Don't even think about opening that that inane mouth of yours, Daltrey. Specks, you are now an Assistant Zookeeper First Class in training, you can shadow Daltrey for the time being until you feel competent to take charge. I think you'd better get cracking on learning the ropes, young man, I myself am going to take a short nap and meditate on our Missus Y problem."

With a cursory gesture Trubshawe dismissed the pair of them, but as the shellshocked Daltrey sloped off the Head Zookeeper fired a few parting words at his back:

"Oh, and Daltrey, you look absolutely ridiculous. Kindly grow the other half of your beard until it matches, would you, there's a good chap."

Yarrow · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 2:26 pm Post subject:

"Oh, that's too bad, Mister Daltrey," Specks said, once Trubshawe was safely behind them.

He tried to hug his glee to himself about his own sudden promotion. It had been a stroke of genius to suggest he might offer his services to von Damme instead.

"I'm sure Mister Trubshawe will come around if he ever crosses Missus Y's path himself," the urchin went on. "You should put your feet up after an experience like that. Jus' tell me what you wants doing and I'll get right along wiv it."

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"Quite the golden boy, aren't you?" sulked Daltrey, whose enthusiasm for Specks had taken a dramatic nosedive. "Well, we'll see how long you can keep up with the strenuous duties of an Assistant Zookeeper First Class. Because if you can't, carrying on sucking up to Trubshawe isn't going to save your hide."

The pair's first port of call was Supplies, to kit Specks out in a manner appropriate for his new role.

"You don't get a uniform in your size to start with, because that would be a waste if you didn't work out ," explained Daltrey pointedly. "I think Moon's spare uniform should almost fit you though. Lucky for you - Entwistle had to make do with my hand-me-downs for six months, he looked like he'd gotten into a fight with a tent. Oh, and you'll be needing this."

He handed Specks a device that to certain eyes would have strongly resembled an Etch-A-Sketch.

"This'll tell you what jobs need doing at any given time. Switch it on by twiddling the knob on the bottom left. That's it. So let's have a look, what's on tonight?"

A long list of tasks began to appear on the screen one blocky character at a time. The first four items were marked with multiple asterisks, and were:

Yarrow · Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2004 10:00 am Post subject:

Specks was pleased at his acquisition of new clothing and happily exchanged his urchin's rags for the somewhat baggy uniform of an AZ. Scrubbed and brushed his freckles stood out all over his skin, like a join the dots puzzle.

He accepted the etch-a-sketch item cheerfully and twizzled the knobs for a little while.
"Triffic!" he said to Daltrey. "So what does all them little squiggles mean?"

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"What? Oh, sorry, looks like that one's got a broken volume control. Try this one instead."

Daltrey tossed Specks a new roster and showed him how, by adroit manipulation of the knobs, the device's hectoring and congested-sounding voice could be made to shout or whisper, gabble or drawl, or even (a source of great hilarity to many generations of Assistant Zookeepers) give its instructions backwards.

Yarrow · Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2004 10:46 am Post subject:

"Uoy nac daer dna klaw ta eht emas emit," barked Trubshawe and Specks grinned. "Orright, so the first jobs are the Paccy Wottsit, the trike and breakfus'," he said.

"Want to toss for it or is there one you was wantin' to do?" He added a hopeful look with a trace of 'starving in the streets'. "It seems an awfully long time since I had any grub," he said. "When do we get our breakfus' or dinner, come to mention it?"

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"I think Trubshawe meant for us to do all the work together," said Daltrey, adding somewhat snootily: "After all, you haven't any actual experience, you'd only get everything wrong on your own."

The urchin was right about one thing, though, food did sound like a good plan, especially as the inside of Daltrey's mouth still tasted of charred goat from his long stay in Glade.

"We can stop in at the kitchens on our way to the lab and I'll show you how the food dispensers work. We'll probably have to fiddle around with the settings awhile to get something presentable enough to offer Mr Von Damme - the staff normally make do with glop, too much effort recalibrating things all the time. Come on, then."

[OOC: I'm happy to draw a veil over the long hard toil that is an Assistant Zookeeper's nightly lot and hurry on to the following morning if you are, in order to rescue Von Damme from limbo...]

Yarrow · Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2004 1:52 pm Post subject:

[ooc: Fine by me.]