Patchwork Universe

Captain Magpie · Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 7:07 pm Post subject: Pirates meet penguins

Having arrived through the mist to see an unending barrier of large iron railings, Magpie had decided to sleep on the matter.

The sun sank low in the sky and the pirates slept happily - just an occasional waking to wonder why the ground wasn't swaying slightly or whether a noise had been a knotted rope slipping against a beam or a big cat's growl.

Magpie surveyed the scene in the morning - an awful lot of railings to either side, so he paid more attention to just in front, or 'inside'. There was a lot of greenery, and beyond it the suggestion of buildings, and certainly more fences. It all seemed very paranoid. It was then he noticed the leopards watching him - two of them in a tree, one half under a bush. None of them moved, but they were watching - this place was Really paranoid.

The pirates started heading south. The railings didn't change - 12 foot tall, a couple of inches thick - but the other side of them did. The thin trees and grass ended at a fenced, and the other side had dry ground and a large lake with a complement of large pink birds. It took 6 of them squinting across to decide they were birds - the colour just didn't seem natural.

This area also came to a fence and gave way to another - rockier, but again with water. There were different animals here - squat black and white things that waddled in a friendly manner. Magpie had seen some before, but stuffed and being used for a version of bowls.

Jim piped up - "seen these birds before, south of Africa, fine eating on 'em and they're too stupid to fly away"

Magpie's theory about the fences and dangerous animals being some paranoid security plan was breaking down and he decided they'd come far enough along this edge, a mile at least.

"Right - let's get on in. Throw up a rope someone. I'll head up first and we'll take it from there."

He shinned up the rope that had been looped round the top of a railing and secured it more solidly before lowering down the two ends of another rope. Soon packs were being hauled up and then pirates. In 10 minutes the crew were over and being eyed suspiciously by 3 dozen penguins.

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

In the heart of a small artificial ice floe, a surveillance camera regarded the scene with its one dead eye.

Its intelligence program was not slow to realise that there had been an unusual marked increase in the number of beings in the enclosure in recent minutes. Many of these had arrived on the scene from above, which was a manner uncharacteristic of flightless birds. Isolating these creatures from the others, the program ringed them in red and called into the central Zoo computer for a species diagnostic check.

The results whizzed back: aside from a certain amount of brininess, these creatures were completely non-sphenisciform. They had no business being in the penguin enclosure, and the surveillance camera felt affronted.

With a thrill of spite coursing through its circuits, it silently raised the alarm.

Captain Magpie · Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2004 12:12 pm Post subject:

Magpie the cat heard some noises and thought it was probably time to investigate - he untucked himself from within an enormous inside pocket of the Captain's coat and ventured to the exterior, settling on a shoulder and surveying the scene.

Pretty soon he realised he was hungry, that there were some very simple looking creatures around and no barrier to breakfast. He leapt down and kept low as he weaved his way through the rough grass (if you used your whiskers properly you could make your way without so much as a rustle above). Twice he stopped and rotated ears to establish a location, and twice set off again, homing in on penguin prey.

He stopped a third time, close enough to smell the bird, but downwind of it (as always, that was lesson one, pretty much). He slunk forwards very slowly, shoulders doing the work and eyes never leaving the black and white lump. It was a bit bigger than he'd expected, but seemed slow and entirely unconcerned. It wouldn't know what hit it...

It didn't; with one spring Magpie jumped, and landed with a dozen claws extended and mouth wide. There was a flurry of activity as other penguins waddled fast and dived into the water, and the blend of black and white (some cat, some bird, all tumbling) rolled over a few times before coming to a stop.

Magpie yowled happily once, and settled to his feast - a couple of mouthfuls of feathers to be spat out first, then the real food.

[i][OOC: Captain Magpie etc are still moving along, and will cross to the next enclosure when they reach it - feel free to write in this activity around whatever else occurs...][/i]

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

Splashing through knee-deep icy water and skidding on slippery ice impeded the pirates' progress sufficiently that even the leaders of the pack were a fair distance away from the enclosure boundary when the disembodied voice rang out.

"FREEZE!" it said. "YOU ARE SURROUNDED! DROP YOUR WEAPONS AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEADS! IF YOU ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE WE WILL HAVE NO OPTION BUT TO OPEN FIRE!"

Captain Magpie · Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2004 12:07 pm Post subject:

Everyone, except the cat, turned to look at Captain Magpie. He kept moving, and so they did to.

He decided to keep moving slowly, as though always just improving his footing rather than wilfully disobeying. Or so he hoped.

He'd seen no-one, and his well honed sense of danger wasn't telling him he was surrounded by men. This was probably a bluff - the voice hadn't sounded natural either. Time to brazen it out.

"We're just passing travellers my man. Don't know if you've been briefed as to the situation out there but there's been some changes. For a start your set-up here now happens to be between our home and the pub."

No response yet, so he carried on.

"Just passing through, you see?"

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

A crackling bolt of bright blue energy arcked through the air and slammed into the ice a few feet from Magpie's feet, sending a spray of frosty chips flying into the air. Magpie teetered on the spot in surprise, but was fortunately able to keep his balance and save himself from a premature cold bath amongst the penguins.

Heaving into view was Trubshawe, in a different-coloured uniform than last time, one eye wrinkled up as the other peered through the sight of a fairly ridiculous-looking gun. "Not another step, I warn you," he bellowed. "Daltrey! Keep the rest of them pinned down!"

Suddenly Magpie's face sprang into his magnified view and he started. "The pirate captain! What are you doing breaking into my zoo? Did one of the Gods put you up to this? No lies now!"

Captain Magpie · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 12:18 pm Post subject:

The pirates visibly relaxed, adopting their usual 'scared of nothing' look (which had rather evaporated as the flash of blue had evaporated a rock). The Captain waved across to the Zoo keeper.

'Be with you soon Trubshawe. No cause for concern. No godly involvement. No malice, forethought or any of that stuff. If we were breaking in we'd look in rather more aggressive shape, I assure you...'

Trubshawe and the others waited as the dozen men and women made their way across the rocks and ice. It took perhaps ten minutes, and at the edge Trubshawe let them out through a section of railings that looked just like the others until it slid upwards.

They passed through and introductions were made - the Captain wasn't sure why he was being so formal all of a sudden, but it seemed the right thing to do. As they came to a close the cat turned their way, pricked up his ears and decided he'd had enough of the penguin. It covered the distance in a dozen seconds and slipped through the fence easily.

'And this is Magpie, our ship's felicitous feline' announced Captain Magpie. The cat looked them over and then - rather misjudging the scale - eyed the remote caribou with interest.

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

Captain Magpie might have slightly overestimated the warmth of the reception he would receive from Trubshawe at the end of his journey.

"Yes, I'm sure it is," the zookeeper said without smiling in response to the introduction of the cat. "We've been having quite a lot of trouble with cats here recently. Those wouldn't by any chance happen to be bloody feathers I see trailing in its wake?"

He jerked his rifle in the direction of the smaller Magpie's crimson pawprints by way of emphasis.

Captain Magpie · Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2004 7:01 pm Post subject:

The Captain smiled in what was supposed to be a winning fashion.

"Our cat's been with me all the time we've been here. Consider us inseperable."

Magpie the cat sidled silently over to Magpie the captains boots and sniffed them innocently.

"So you see he couldn't possibly have been responsible for any difficulties you've experienced"

Trubshawe was still pointing at the evidence of the cat's breakfast with the alarming weapon he carried.

Magpie shrugged at the footprints - "He took one of those birds, but they're hardly rare, are they?"

"Perhaps we'd better be on our way though - and I'll keep an eye on Magpie, don't worry"

"Old chap", he added, without really thinking.

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"Not so fast," snarled Trubshawe, swinging around suddenly so that the business end of his rifle was mere inches away from Magpie's chin.

"Just because this isn't the cat we're looking for doesn't mean they aren't all in it together. There's a God, see? An old lady God who has a thing about cats and a thing against decent, hardworking Zookeepers. How do I know this cat isn't doing her bidding as we speak, hmm, hmm?"

He eyed the feline up and down and it gazed back at him, superciliously, mockingly.

"As for the formerly valuable exhibit that your pet has seen fit to make its lunch... they may be hardly rare in certain quadrants but I'll trouble to remind you that all our movements have been somewhat curtailed of late. Unless you're claiming that Jones has a stock of antarctic seabirds out the back to cater to eccentric tastebuds, I suspect we'll probably find that penguin was completely irreplaceable. Which leaves us in something of a quandary..."

He swung the rifle so it was pointing in no uncertain terms at the cat.

"Should I just take custody of this fleabitten feline as recompense for my loss... or perhaps there is another way you can think of of repaying its debt to my Zoo?"

Captain Magpie · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 8:58 am Post subject:

"You really do need to calm down..."

Magpie spoke as though making an observation to the world in general, and pushed the barrel of the rifle gently sideways as he did so.

The man was certainly paranoid, and perhaps hadn't slept well. Perhaps the time with the troll had taken a bit of the wind out of his sails and he was just needing to puff them up again. Who could say?

"Replacing a bird's just a matter of letting the other birds get on with what comes natural"

Magpie cocked his head - "I trust I do not need to draw pictures, eh?"

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

"Don't presume to tell ME my job!" snapped Trubshawe. "Yes, the birds can be encouraged to replenish their numbers, but can involve a distressing amount of manual coaxing and in any case that isn't the point!"

Trubshawe straightened his cap and tried to sound more in control of the situation.

"You seem to be under the mistaken impression that you can talk your way out of this situation, Captain Magpie. You cannot. Stay silent for one minute and I will tell you how things are going to be.

"I am not an unreasonable man. You have broken into my zoo and wreaked havoc upon a delicate ecosystem here, the seriousness of which offences cannot be overstated. However I am prepared to allow you to make reparations for your crimes - and earn yourself a pretty penny in the bargain.

"As you may have already gathered, I am always interested in obtaining new specimens for my zoo. Since arriving in this place, I have been struck by the immense possibilities it offers for a collector such as myself. Every three miles, a new and unimaginable world, some doubtless overflowing with flora and fauna the like of which I can only dream. I MUST take full advantage of my time here to expand my collection, Captain Magpie. But there is only so much that I and my staff can do alone.

"I therefore propose that you will pledge, during your own travels from one place to the another, to seek out and bring to me unusual lifeforms that you come across. I would vastly prefer them alive, but if all else fails part of an animal is better than no animal at all. I'm sure a man of your undoubted ingenuity, with this resourceful crew at your disposal, could bring me dozens of fine specimens a day if you put your mind to it.

"In return, I would pay you 'top doubloon', and forget this morning's unpleasant incident completely of course. I think you'll find it's an offer you can't refuse, Captain, especially as I will be keeping little Magpie here for a while as a token of your commitment to our deal. We are experts at looking after animals here, so you need have no fear for his wellbeing. If you return with the goods, that is."

With the thought of getting hold of more animals for his collection Trubshawe's manner had become animated and enthusiastic, and it took some effort for him to re-enter threatening mode.

"Unless you would rather try to run for it," he hissed. "You might well be able to get away from me, in which case you wouldn't need to lift a finger in my service of course. But with three guns trained on these intruders, I wouldn't bet on your whole crew making it out with you..."

Captain Magpie · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 8:22 pm Post subject:

"We'll see what we come across - a cave troll here, a dragon there - be happy for the challenge. And those top doubloons of course"

"As for running or being allowed to walk back to my home from the pub - I think we'll take the latter. If things here are as fragile as you say I guess we'll take the outside route next time. Unless of course you sell tickets like any normal zoo, of course"

He grinned. "we pay a reasonable height of doubloon..."

Magpie sensed Trubshawe was likely to be wavering from his stance of possibly (if not probably) psychotic rage.

"But let's be friendly. I could stand here and wind you up all morning, I really could. But I really ought to get my crew back to my ship."

"Including Magpie."

The cat had finished cleaning itself and from behind the Captain's leather boots it gave Trubshawe an innocent look. It really was exceedingly cute when it wanted to be.

Trubshawe · Good Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 351 Location: The Zoo

Trubshawe really could be exceedingly stony-faced when he wanted to be.

"The cat stays with me," he said, bending down to pick up the little creature (but not taking his eyes off Captain Magpie for an instant). With Magpie in the crook of his arm he stroked the cat's flat skull with his gloved hand.

"If you need your smallest crew member back in a hurry - rat problem on board your ship, is there? - then I suggest you get hunting without further delay. He'll still be here when you get back, not a whisker out of place."

The Head Zookeeper's expression made it clear that was the end of the discussion as far as he was concerned.

"I mean it," he said. "Cat on delivery."

Captain Magpie · Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 9:31 pm Post subject:

The cat dug in its claws and found the fabric easy to pierce, the flesh was even easier. It only stabbed quickly and then turned to avoid the man's fist - humans were so easy to fight, so predictable.

The other Magpie took over the work after half a second. As the zookeeper had bent down and shielded him from view he'd reached for his blade. The distraction of many claws gave him the instant it took to bring it to Trubshawe's throat.

Action always was louder than words. The sound of a dozen pirates drawing swords, for example.